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[quote=Anonymous]I would never agree to that kind of group meeting because it usually results in a dynamic wherein one person feels like all of the others are ganging up on him and her.

It also tends to be that people mistakenly think that the majority opinion is the right one, and that isn't always the case.  So it becomes less about rational discourse and more about who has the most people on his/her side.  That's a horrible family dynamic and never solves problems.

All of that said, while I don't like conflict, I've learned over time not to cave to group pressure or to apologize without having an opportunity to consider all that is being presented to me.

I usually stand up for myself, and if I feel I'm being ganged up on or intimidated into a response, I'll leave.

This is a skill that takes work, though.  If it doesn't come naturally to you, then you need to work on it, because reacting after the fact makes people not trust you.  What I mean by that is that if you say something and then later retract or walk back from it or say you're actually angry, then people feel like they can't trust their interactions with you.  It makes you seem fickle.

One approach is to not agree to situations wherein you *know* won't be fair discussions.  Don't walk into an ambush if you suspect one is about to happen.  And make clear to your husband that you don't like being put in that position.

If you do get ambushed, just say "Thank you for sharing your opinion.  Perhaps we can discuss this more another time."

Or call them out on the group behavior.  Tell them, "I feel like I'm being ambushed here, and that's not really fair to me nor is it conducive to a fair and constructive discussion."  And then leave.

You have to establish boundaries.  And you have to make clear to inlaws that you aren't going to tolerate that approach.  Be polite but firm.

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