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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Husband and I are about to begin therapy for the third time. This is the last shot for our relationship - I just caught him cheating, he's copped to porn addiction and admits to alcohol addiction, as well as acknowledging being controlling and verbally/emotionally abusive. Aside from the cheating, these are not new issues.

The last two times in counseling - particularly the last one - were incredibly frustrating to me and felt inane. It seemed that all the counsellors wanted to focus on were communication techniques. To me, that misses the point. How can I ensure that this new therapist gets to the root of the issues instead of rehearsing how to argue using "I" phrases?
[/quote]

Your post indicates you think the counselors have been to blame for your husband's lapse numbers 2 and 3.  Like if you just found a good counselor then all the problems could be fixed.  This is unlikely.  Your husband is to blame.  Only he controls whether he stops these behaviors or not.  And, he has been communicating with you very well; you are just not "hearing" him.  He is telling you about his cheating, alcoholism and showing you his anger.  Getting a new counselor isn't going to fix your broken husband.

I have been in your situation.  What I realized is that marriage and family counseling are useless when one person either doesn't want to or can't change.  Personally, I would never engage with a "counselor" to resolve the issues above.  You are dealing with hypersexuality, alcoholism and emotional issues.  These three things are huge red flags that your DH needs to be seen by a psychiatrist.  There are likely mental illness or addiction issues driving his behavior that could be helped by proper diagnosis, medication and real psychological treatment that includes patient education and cognitive behavioral therapy.  Without medication, therapy can be useless.

Even with medication the red flags are so many and this is your 3rd time around with him.  Really, you need to let him go.  [/quote]

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