Reply to "I didn't mean to"

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Reply to ""I didn't mean to""

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[quote=Anonymous]I think in any partnership, you have to find a balance between asking your partner to accomodate your feelings by doing/not doing xyz and you learning to accomodate your partner by overlooking xyz.  Without knowing the kinds of things (and the number of things) you are requesting we can't weigh in on whether you are over that line.  If there are a huge number of ways in which he needs to change to accomodate you, then the real problem may be that you aren't compatible as a couple.

But the big thing here is just what you've said--he agrees but does not follow through.  He is being dishonest with you.  Now, is that because he is a dishonest person or because you invite dishonesty?  Meaning: is he evasive/passive-aggresive in general?  Is he that way with friends/parents/kids?  Or just with you?  When he is honest with you, do you hear him and value/respect point of view?  What if you said, "X really hurt my feelings.  Please don't X any more." And he replied, "I'm sorry X hurts your feelings, but it's not really reasonable/feasable to expect me to refrain from X."  What would your response be?  Would you jump right into feeling hurt that he won't fix things on his end to protect your feelings, or would you be open to finding a third solution (tell you when X needs to happen, do X only under certain circumstances, etc.)?

Now, I definitely agree with (and use with my kids, too!) the distinction between "I didn't mean to" and "You didn't mean NOT to," and it may very well be that he'a just not ever going to consider your feelings or needs.[/quote]

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