Reply to "I didn't mean to"

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to ""I didn't mean to""

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I am struggling with a cycle DH and I seem to be in when I express that he has hurt my feelings.  I don't do this often and I do it consciously (individual and couples therapy has helped me see I am still learning how to express emotions and vulnerability, and that it's important for our relationship for me to be open in that way).

Me: "X happened today.  It makes me sad because Y. Would you mind not doing X?"
DH: "Okay."
(time passes, X happens again).
Me:  "X happened today.  I don't want to make it a big deal, but it hurts my feelings because I had expressed why it made me sad and you did it again."
DH: "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."
Me: "That makes me frustrated because we had already talked about X making me sad because Y, so you knew that it would hurt my feelings and you did it anyways."
DH: "But I don't think Y is true/I don't see Y/I don't think about Y, so I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

Then DH gets angry, in his explanation because I don't believe him and/or I need to force him to agree to my view of things.  And I get hurt and frustrated because I don't understand why he doesn't say, this is something that hurts DW's feelings, I will make sure I don't do it, the rest doesn't much matter.  And because it feels like he thinks saying he will do something, not doing it, and then giving a reason means the behavior is okay and my emotions are somehow invalid.

X and Y can be different things - small and big.  What worries me is we can't seem to break the cycle.  I'm open to the idea that I'm doing something here to perpetuate it, but I'm really having a hard seeing what I could say or do differently other than not express my emotion, which for many reasons I don't think is a good choice in our relationship right now.  Ideas?[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics