Reply to Wife Needs to Stop Dumping All Her Emotional Negativity on Me. It's Killing My Love for Her

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Reply to "Wife Needs to Stop Dumping All Her Emotional Negativity on Me. It's Killing My Love for Her"

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[quote=Anonymous]Have you discussed any of this with her? If not, you should be talking about it before jumping to suggesting therapy. We all need people to vent to at times, as a means of coping with stress. It sounds like the combination of excess (for you) venting and lack of positive thought is shutting down your desire to communicate.

Set aside a time when you are connected and engaged and talk to her. You can open the conversation discussing that you feel like you'd like to increase the positive tone in your home. I'm sure there are things you and your teens could also do to contribute to a more positive atmosphere. It needs to be an active choice and won't change overnight, everyone needs to be involved. This gives her a chance to brainstorm too. As part of this, her natural inclination to vent when she comes home will surface as usual. That's your moment to discuss how to ensure she feels supported and not to have the negativity impact the whole night. As suggested, a time limit is workable, or activity based like you give her your focus during a brief walk each evening when she gets home. Expecting her to never need to vent isn't reasonable, nor did you get to decide what is stress worthy to her. My dh gets stressed easily, in my eyes, but judging that helps niether  of us because regardless of my view doesn't change how it feels for him. What stresses me is different than what stresses him. Therapy isn't a tool intended to fix your wife. If communicating, finding compromise and developing done in home coping skills doesn't work then it could be something you both discuss and a decision she makes on her own, if and when she ever decides she would even want to change. Marriage is work for everyone at some point, news your time. [/quote]

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