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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]15:13, you are amazing.  [/quote]

+1.  after what i went through, i really appreciate hearing what you had to do to keep your kids safe, get your DW to see the light, and keep your family intact...and that you are now reaping the benefits.

i had a post partum mental health crisis and my DH was in complete denial, even after i asked him for help after our second DC was born.  he ignored it while i was so depressed (think suicidal ideation/wishing i could be hit by a bus and have it all end).  i was a SAHM with no community and had to claw my way back to mental stability with literally no help from DH.  i went back to work FT and after a year of being back at work i was *this close* to walking out on him.  when i confronted him, he actually accused me of being depressed for so many years.  i asked him "what did you do to help me with that?"  he couldn't answer because the truth was NOTHING.  i was utterly on my own with two children under the age of two, the PPD lasted more than a year, it was terrifying and i am still pretty traumatized by it.

we did a year of marriage counseling (i did 6 months of IC).  now, 5 months post-counseling, and now that my youngest is 5, we are both seeing the error of our ways.  i recently had the flu and i was scared to death about how not helpful DH would be, given his track record of not taking care of me.  but, he was amazing.  it was like being married to a different person.  it gave me much more confidence in my marriage.

that innocent "being in love" feeling has been long gone.  i am doubtful it will ever come back.  but, i have been working on the forgiveness aspect, which is so very hard.  but, if we can continually treat each other with respect and let go of our resentments, i am hoping to get to a place where i trust him and can, once again, actually feel like he is my one of my best friends, instead of somebody that i have to tolerate to keep my family intact.  [/quote]

15:13 here. Thanks and I'm so sorry you went through that crisis. My wife also had severe PPD that was veering into post-partum psychosis. It's such a serious, serious condition and what makes me so angry is that men have very little knowledge about it. Sure, they may have heard about PPD. But many aren't participating in the healthcare of their wife or baby. Who is going to the prenatal appointments mostly? Women. Who is taking the baby to the ped since she's on maternity leave? The mother. Because of the way our screwed up society's view parental and family leave, men are often (not always) on the outside of the pregnancy prenatal care and early well baby visits so providers aren't even able to question them about whether there are PPD concerns. I have become very active in promoting and supporting raising awareness to husbands because they really are the first support line. Many men don't think about the hormonal effects a woman goes through post-partum because they can't feel them. I'm not saying men should be all over a woman's prenatal care or hyper-vigilant about PPD. I just think society has given men a pass to be a part of their wive's support system. I don't know if I'm making sense, but my intent isn't to call for men to take over women's healthcare. It's for them to be supportive spouses who actually are available in times of crisis.

I am so happy you got well PP. It's a hard road, but I am so happy you made it back with such grace and dignity. [/quote]

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