Reply to How to turn around a fight?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What if they just use "breaking up" as a defense mechanism. What if they don't really want to, but are just saying it[/quote]

counseling. Because that's a pretty nuclear thing to say during a fight. [/quote]

Agree with this but I don't even know if I would pursue counseling.  [b]Using breaking up as a threat to shut down an argument will just leave the other person constantly terrified of bringing up any issues they have because they don't want their partner to leave.[/b]  BTDT, if you say you want to break up, you better mean it because I'm going to assume you do and treat the relationship as over.  [/quote]

BTDT too. I spent years of my life in a relationship with a man who did this (and other emotionally abusive things). Then I spent years rebuilding my self esteem to the point where I could end it with him. Then I spent years trying to figure out healthy boundaries so I could meet the right man who is secure enough that he doesn't need pull this crap to get attention.

OP, if I were you, the next time he put a breakup on the table, I would walk away.[/quote]

+1. I'm in it now. Every time things get difficult my husband threatens divorce. This has led to me absolutely refusing to address anything of substance and I'm just sort of skating along, waiting for the right time. It kills the idea of a partnership or even friendship, let alone any intimacy in terms of being close to someone. It's no way to live, and if you're not married, I would get out now while you can. [/quote]

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