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[quote=Anonymous]First... I'm sorry. This sucks.  I've been there.  As much as I would love to be counseling you to take the higher road and just sit down and talk to your spouse, instead I counsel you to do a little bit more "digging" around for info before you do.

This happened to me as well. And my husband lied and lied and lied and lied and lied and lied again about it all. Every time I would point out a whole in the story, it changed (i.e. "my stupid friend set up a profile using my picture b/c he didn't want to use his own pic" and then "my friends did this to me as a joke" and then "I think it's old... like before I met you 10 years ago" and then "my sister did it to get me back for a bad prank I pulled on her"... so on. Dealing with the many layers of lies took weeks of extra emotional stress that I didn't need in my life. I wouldn't have guessed that he'd put me through all that, but he did. To this day, I still don't know how much of the truth I ended up with.  Therefore, I don't think you go all crazy detective, but I [i]would [/i]do the following: take screenshots or print out copies of what is publicly viewable. (When caught, my husband panicked and went in and changed all his info and then kept stubbornly refusing to admit that I had seen what I had seen!) I would also do what others have mentioned and search for a profile under OK cupid, PlentyofFish, Tindr, and Grindr and preserve whatever you find.

I imagine that one of the many questions racing through your head is... is this just a profile or are they already cheating? I would probably do a little light spying--check out their phone. Is there a tindr or grindr app? Weird texts? You probably have access to the phone bill--is there a number you don't recognize that's getting a lot of texts from your spouse? And I might start paying attention to what large chunks of time they have when they say they are doing one thing that they could be easily doing another.  And I [i]might [/i]think about double-checking on it, if it's easy/low drama to do so (please don't stalk). In other words, if they say they're at the gym for 2.5 hours every Tuesday, I might pop by the gym and look for them.

I admit that all/some of these actions might seem like lowbrow behavior. But like I said... at least from my experience, I wish I had known more before confronting. When you do confront, unless your spouse comes forward with what seems like a full confession than I would have them open up the Match account in front of you so that you can view it from inside the account. Again.... I failed to do this before he started deleting/changing things, but once you're inside the account, it will show you things like when they last logged on, how much activity there's been, how many direct messages received/sent (and you can read them if they haven't been deleted), you can see if they have "favorited" people, etc.

I'm really sorry. Betrayal sucks. Even when things are admittedly not perfectly functioning in the marriage. But this doesn't have to mean the end. It could be a wake-up call for you both. Sadly, however, I do fall into the camp of "get as much info as you [i]reasonably [/i]can before confrontation." You need to know what you're dealing with in order to actually deal with it.  Good luck.[/quote]

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