First... I'm sorry. This sucks. I've been there. As much as I would love to be counseling you to take the higher road and just sit down and talk to your spouse, instead I counsel you to do a little bit more "digging" around for info before you do.

This happened to me as well. And my husband lied and lied and lied and lied and lied and lied again about it all. Every time I would point out a whole in the story, it changed (i.e. "my stupid friend set up a profile using my picture b/c he didn't want to use his own pic" and then "my friends did this to me as a joke" and then "I think it's old... like before I met you 10 years ago" and then "my sister did it to get me back for a bad prank I pulled on her"... so on. Dealing with the many layers of lies took weeks of extra emotional stress that I didn't need in my life. I wouldn't have guessed that he'd put me through all that, but he did. To this day, I still don't know how much of the truth I ended up with. Therefore, I don't think you go all crazy detective, but I would do the following: take screenshots or print out copies of what is publicly viewable. (When caught, my husband panicked and went in and changed all his info and then kept stubbornly refusing to admit that I had seen what I had seen!) I would also do what others have mentioned and search for a profile under OK cupid, PlentyofFish, Tindr, and Grindr and preserve whatever you find.

I imagine that one of the many questions racing through your head is... is this just a profile or are they already cheating? I would probably do a little light spying--check out their phone. Is there a tindr or grindr app? Weird texts? You probably have access to the phone bill--is there a number you don't recognize that's getting a lot of texts from your spouse? And I might start paying attention to what large chunks of time they have when they say they are doing one thing that they could be easily doing another. And I might think about double-checking on it, if it's easy/low drama to do so (please don't stalk). In other words, if they say they're at the gym for 2.5 hours every Tuesday, I might pop by the gym and look for them.

I admit that all/some of these actions might seem like lowbrow behavior. But like I said... at least from my experience, I wish I had known more before confronting. When you do confront, unless your spouse comes forward with what seems like a full confession than I would have them open up the Match account in front of you so that you can view it from inside the account. Again.... I failed to do this before he started deleting/changing things, but once you're inside the account, it will show you things like when they last logged on, how much activity there's been, how many direct messages received/sent (and you can read them if they haven't been deleted), you can see if they have "favorited" people, etc.

I'm really sorry. Betrayal sucks. Even when things are admittedly not perfectly functioning in the marriage. But this doesn't have to mean the end. It could be a wake-up call for you both. Sadly, however, I do fall into the camp of "get as much info as you reasonably can before confrontation." You need to know what you're dealing with in order to actually deal with it. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:Get prepared for divorce - move as much money into your name as you can to make sure you and the kids are protected. Get a consult with an attorney.

Get a match account and use it to confront him. He's cheating. Make copies of the account.

Off topic, but DCUM always throws this advice out there. You can't just take household money and hide it in preparation for separation. I mean, I guess you could, but it's going to come out sooner or later, and that will not go well in the long term. No matter what you all think about 'cheaters', a couple remains in a relationship after separation, especially if kids are involved. Creating this kind of hostile environment does not make any sense at all. Lawyering up before they even talked?? That's an attorney's wettest dream. Doing this ensures that the couple will be sinking tens of thousands of dollars into the process. This sort of knee-jerk reaction is what divorce attorneys live for.

Try sitting down with your spouse and discussing this. If you decide to separate, do it intelligently and as amicably as possible. Hiding money and having secret consultations with a lawyer is going to blow up in your face, OP.

-BR

Anonymous wrote:Install a key logger in her phone and all computers. Don't confront until you compile more evidence. Otherwise she will just keep lying and hiding things from you. At least that's how it went with my wife.

We don't know the gender, but they already have the Match profile.

Install a key logger in her phone and all computers. Don't confront until you compile more evidence. Otherwise she will just keep lying and hiding things from you. At least that's how it went with my wife.

Anonymous wrote:Talk to HER. Ask HER why she did this. Protect yourself from HER.

Gender was never mentioned in OPs post.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Things have been pretty rocky for a while and just aren't working well anymore, long-term marriage and 2 teenage kids. Now I've been made aware that my spouse has a profile on Match.

What would you do?

Still not an excuse to cheat. I would start putting money away and get yourself set up.

Email the profile, see what you can find out.

Why do people play games like this?

TALK TO HIM. Tell him you know. Discuss it like the adults I presume you are.

I disagree. Get your ducks in a row. Don't show your hand. Gather as much info as possible, whichever way possible.

Liars and cheaters only admit what they know you know, not an inch more. If you tell him everything, zero percent chance you'll get the whole story.

Talk to HER. Ask HER why she did this. Protect yourself from HER.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Things have been pretty rocky for a while and just aren't working well anymore, long-term marriage and 2 teenage kids. Now I've been made aware that my spouse has a profile on Match.

What would you do?

Still not an excuse to cheat. I would start putting money away and get yourself set up.

Email the profile, see what you can find out.

Why do people play games like this?

TALK TO HIM. Tell him you know. Discuss it like the adults I presume you are.

Anonymous wrote:Things have been pretty rocky for a while and just aren't working well anymore, long-term marriage and 2 teenage kids. Now I've been made aware that my spouse has a profile on Match.

What would you do?

Still not an excuse to cheat. I would start putting money away and get yourself set up.

Email the profile, see what you can find out.

Also, check tinder and ok cupid and a few others. (I don't know the others but those are the ones my dad is on, did the same thing)

Wow. That's a problem. Does his profile say he is married???

Get prepared for divorce - move as much money into your name as you can to make sure you and the kids are protected. Get a consult with an attorney.

Get a match account and use it to confront him. He's cheating. Make copies of the account.

Make your own profile and start flirting.
Some healthy role play may be just what the doctor ordered.

Things have been pretty rocky for a while and just aren't working well anymore, long-term marriage and 2 teenage kids. Now I've been made aware that my spouse has a profile on Match.

What would you do?