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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My parents split after 25 years of marriage.  My sister and I were teenagers, my brother in college.  There were some bumpy, awkward years as everyone adjusted.

It's now been 20 years and everyone is in a really good place.  My parents are both remarried.  They have a good relationship and are friendly, as are their partners.  We all spend holidays and birthdays and major life events for us kids or the grandkids, all together.  We spend a week all in one huge house with both my mom and her DH and my dad and his DW.  It's awesome.  I love that they worked hard at getting over the awkward stage so that we can be a functional family unit.  I love my step-parents for being big enough to work through the weirdness.  I love that they put US first and figured out a way to not make holidays and the like annoying.

I will say, the big family events all together weren't really needed before the weddings and grandkids came.  So there was maybe 10 years before that for everyone to adjust a bit.  But once my siblings and I were all married, we had in-laws who we needed to split time with, so doing separate holidays and the like was just impossible.  So[b] it became clear the choice was "do things together, or see our kids/grandkids LESS" and they choose "do things together".
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My divorced parents are happier and more functional than my DH's still-married-after-40-years parents.[/quote]

My parents divorced after a long marriage.  They were very unhappy and my mom began a long-term affair.  Right now, they are courteous and make small talk well.  My mom likes to believe we are all a big happy family, but of course we are not.  Nobody likes her boyfriend (who has only recently divorced his own wife) and my dad refuses to spend time with him.  So my mom likes to pretend that things are fine, and everyone else just avoids the situation.  She just tells herself my dad is too busy.

It really is true that divorce = less grandchild time.  My mom is not happy about this but there's nothing I can do, she should have thought of it when she made her life choices.  I didn't really mind having divorced parents in my 20s and early 30s, but now that I am dragging a spouse and toddlers between their houses on the holidays, it sucks.  Lots more logistical effort, money, and time.  And I can already see that it's going to be hell when they're actually old and I have to care for them both in separate places.[/quote]

I am in the process of divorcing my husband after 30 years.  He has cheated on me for many years but I stayed and tried to work it out for the sake of our child.  I can no longer sacrifice my happiness for the sake of even my most beloved child.  I hope he will one day understand the hell I went through for so long.  Your post makes you sound like YOU are the only important consideration.  I hope I am wrong about that.  Parents are people who deserve peace and happiness in their lives, or at least a chance.  [/quote]

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