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[quote=Anonymous]My parents divorced after 24 years. I had just finished college and was traveling the summer before law school. My sister was in medical school. We both were not surprised because their marriage wasn't fantastic, honestly. My mother resented being a parent, resented being a SAHM, resented never getting her career going, resented not traveling more, resented not having more money and was this sort of gloomy mess. My father was sort of this stoic work around from her chaos storm. He was steady, kind, funny, and warm to her cold, crazy, irrational anger.

She admitted to me the happiest day in her life was dropping me off in college because she could "finally live her own life." She said that to her own kid. My parents were young, though (not even 50, I think).

What I found more interesting what was happened after the divorce. My father filed, and just handed my mother half of everything and moved into a small condo in downtown Chicago. My mother spent a year stewing in our large suburban house before selling it (she got to keep the full proceeds in exchange for not seeking alimony -- something she mentioned often (i.e. "the house is MINE because that bastard isn't paying alimony."). She took the money and moved overseas. She lives in Asia, teaches English and travels a ton. From what I can gander from Facebook, she seems happy and free. Then again, I haven't seen her since my wedding (three kids later who she's never met) and I don't think my sister has seen her since she had a conference in Japan.

My father kept working for another 18 years and retired. He continued his own work and continued doing well professionally. He has a lovely friend who he has been with for 15 years. She's a nice woman and actually more a part of my life than my mother in terms of visits, phone calls to check in and coming to help when I had a medical crisis (breast cancer, which is thankfully in remission). My mother didn't even offer to come after I called her to tell her that news and did not call once to check in during that horrific year. My father's partner actually moved in (dad did as well) to help.

I actually have a realistic view of marriage. I think there's three seasons of a marriage. Pre-kids, kids, and post-kids. I think a lot of couples are great pre-kids and fall apart once kids happen. And for some people, it's easier to just muck along during the kids season because you know that there's like post-kids. I don't think there is a right or wrong choice there, but that you just need to commit to what deal you want to make. My father committed to the kid season and that was it. And I respect that choice.[/quote]

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