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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Can you elaborate?  I would need a more specific how-to guide in order to implement your strategy.[/quote]

I'm not OP, but I also tell myself "drop the rope" all the time.  I struggle with my MIL too, but this has been my mantra.  The main result when I am able to do it successfully is that I FEEL BETTER.  It does not immediately change the way she acts.  She is still a difficult person.  But I was attempting to exert control, even if it was subtle, and when that would backfire, I would get really upset.  So part of it is dropping the expectation that the other person (your MIL) will change.  She will not change!  Most likely.

Just being able to do that, to stop the expectation that she will change, work on accepting things AS IS, and pushing back only when it's important has helped a lot.  Also, having my DH on my side.  He and I are 100% on the same page with our family decisions.  If his mother doesn't like that, she can complain to him.  He's getting better at keeping a good amount of these complaints away from me so I don't even have to hear about it.

She still hurts my feelings here and there, but by this point, I have learn to anticipate her negative reactions to things.  She is visibly annoyed that I have a family who loves each other.  I hate this aspect.  But when everyone gets together, and she's is clearly tense about it, I IGNORE IT COMPLETELY.  It's so freeing.  I just act like everything is FINE AND NORMAL.  She almost always comes out looking bad.  And slowly, very slowly, I think she might be thawing towards my own family.  Maybe.  I'm holding out a little hope, but not pinning my hopes and dreams on it.  It's her loss though, my family rocks.

So yes, drop the rope.  Live it.[/quote]

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