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[quote=Anonymous]If you are a daughter who hates or very strongly dislikes your mother, does she know how you feel?

I think I’ve finally given up on having any sort of meaningful relationship with my Mom.  She was physically and mentally abusive during my entire childhood and refuses to acknowledge it.  She is a self-absorbed, self-serving  liar with a negative, anxiety-ridden outlook on nearly everything.  She is very emotionally immature and lives in her own version of reality where she never has to take any responsibility for her anything.  I’ve tried to address issues from the past as well as the present more times than I can count and get nothing back from her in return.  She simply pretends that things never happened or that current problems don’t exist.  Although I desperately wish the situation was different, I know that I can’t change her and it is what it is.

We grew very distant after I left home for college but started speaking much more frequently after I had kids.  I find it very difficult to be around her for extended periods of time but still travel home to see her several times a year.   Over the years I’ve winnowed down the topics that we can discuss that won’t much of a trigger a nasty response from her… at this point I’m left with the kids and (sometimes) the weather.  Every interaction with her leaves me exhausted, frustrated and just sad.  I work very hard to have her in my life and get very little in return.  This is been the nature of things since I was very young and it’s really taken a toll on me.

At this point I’m really only putting in the time for my kids’ sake and I’m beginning to question if that’s even worth it.    She has no idea that I feel this way.  If I tried to tell her she would just turn it around on me and displace any blame.  Our relationship is an empty shell but she likes to flaunt it for attention, telling others that we speak every day, are best friends, etc.  I feel like she may know the truth deep down inside, but even if she did, she would never admit it.

I’m at a point now where I am beginning to distance myself because it is so emotionally draining to have her in my life.  I’m even considering cutting her off completely.  I’m not sure of I’m looking for sympathy or to vent (probably both) but was curious to know if anyone else has a similar dynamic with their mother?  I know our relationship isn’t normal and wanted to see how others in similar circumstances handled things.  Do I just keep pressing on despite the emotional baggage that I continue to rack up?  Do I break things off completely?  Any BTDT advice?
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