Reply to What would you do? Tell or not about past abuse from ill abusive parent.?

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[quote=Anonymous]You and your brother need to make your own independent decisions. What is right for one of you may not be right for the other. I hope you will support your brother.

I understand you want to protect your mother too, but this is why secrets are kept about abuse--to protect other people and to make everyone feel comfortable even though what is going on is not OK. You were children. You needed protecting. She failed to protect you. This may be hard for her but it is reality. And if nothing is said, no one has the opportunity to make any amends or to apologize, etc.

HOWEVER, that unfortunately is not what happens, and families deny what happened, or deny the seriousness ("you're making a big deal out of nothing, don't be so dramatic") or deny that they were at fault ("I couldn't have known....if it was so bad why didn't you tell anyone" etc).

Your brother is angry--angry at your stepfather, angry at your mother for her failure to protect. I would hope you would be angry too. I hope you will talk to a therapist about this. I have been talking to a therapist for a long time about things my mother does not know about. My father is also feeble now. I waffle between wanting it all out in the open and not wanting to go there. I don't know how I'd feel if I had a brother who was going to bring up the subject and get it all out in the open. Maybe relieved. Best of luck to you. [/quote]

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