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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why are there so many people here who have problems with their SILs? This boggles my mind. I am South Asian. I had an arranged marriage.  I get along with all my relatives. I have favorites, but it does not mean that there are some that I hate or resent. I feel that in this country, where people mostly choose their own spouses, why do they make such error in judgements that they can't stand their MILs and SILs etc. 50% of the time they cannot even stand their DH.

I feel that in a situation like mine, where parents find the guy for you to marry, based on outward compatibility (Same race, same region, same religion,  same social status, same level of physical attractiveness, same education, same culture) etc. ,  there are more chances of not really getting along with ILs or DH.  But I see that people by and large get along.  I am shocked that here there is just such a dislike for the DH's side of the family. It is really hard to comprehend why. Did you not choose your spouse yourself? Did you not meet his family before?[/quote]

I'll bite.  I met DH's family a few times before we married.  I did get a strange vibe from them - turns out I was right, unfortunately.  They taught me more than they know.  Including:  if someone seems cold and unwelcoming and insular, they are.  Don't waste time (years) trying to do the right thing and trying to be nice - some people don't know what that means;  it is their problem, not mine.  If people don't have a lot of friends, in spite of growing up where they reside - then it is them that is the problem.  If someone is critical and looking for problems, they will find them, even if they have to make them up (and they will!).  Some people just are not worth the time.

PP, it does seem that non-arranged marriages should have "less" problems.  Some SILs are not accepting of new women in the family, and are (unreasonably) very threatened by it.  It is hard to "get along" with people who just don't want to; or people who claim that they think you want to be catered to - when in fact it is really them that want to be catered to.  The games and the gas lighting get old, after a while.  Don't expect to treat me the awful way you treat DH, and we'll be fine. [/quote]

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