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[quote=Anonymous]I'm in my early 20s and have been in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend for three years. We've had plans to get married, move in with each other, etc. In my case, my current life situation is preventing me from moving out of my parents' house until I become financially independent. In his case, he's full of excuses about leaving his parents, most poignant of which is his assumed responsibility to care for his ill father.

A little background: his mother has been depressed, suicidal, narcissistic & miserable since before I met her. His father had bells palsy when I met them, and became very ill with spinal issues & numbness in his leg within the last 2 years and has been reduced to using a walker somewhat successfully. My boyfriend (J) feels responsible for his father because his mother's acute self-centered attitude prevents her from being a successful caregiver.

The issues I have started 2 years ago. J's father attempted to assist me in my job search by getting me an interview at his company (somewhat against my will). They wanted to hire me & required a drug test. I smoked pot a few weeks before and it did not go well. J told his father, thinking he could trust him & give him forewarning in the event that this reflected back on him being that he had recommended me for the position. J explicitly told his father not to repeat this information to anybody. J and I proceeded to go to his grandparents' house for a holiday dinner where his extended family would also be present. I had smoked a cigarette before we got there and spritzed myself with 1 pump of body spray. J's mother smokes more than a pack a day, so I figured that they would barely notice the smell on me being that her odor was both overpowering and revolting. Unbeknownst to me, she had an aversion to "smells" (except her cigarettes) and became incensed that I had dared to spray myself with anything, claiming I had done it maliciously to teach her a lesson. She caused a scene and left the dinner table to sit in the attached kitchen. While sitting there, with more venom than a cobra could muster up, she hissed at me "Maybe I should tell them why you didn't get that job." I asked, "Excuse me?" And she claimed I had heard what she said and knew what she was talking about.

She proceeded to leave the house to go smoke one more of her beloved cigarettes while I proceeded to hide in the bathroom. J came and found me, at which point I told him I wanted to leave. We went outside, where I had to tell him to do something and stick up for me, near tears, and he began to fight back verbally against her. She sat there and whined that it was my fault for maliciously putting on perfume and ruining the holiday for her. As she walked away from him, while he was speaking, I shouted for her to "enjoy her effing dinner." The events that followed were humiliating on levels I didn't know existed. She proceeded to go back inside of her parents' house and inform her entire family that I failed a drug test and that I called her a "fu***** bi***". When we called J's father in the hospital and asked him why he repeated information he was explicitly asked to keep to himself, he claimed that he "tells his wife everything." This is coming off of months of purchasing Rolex watches & a brand new Macbook Air without informing his wife, secrets I was asked to keep. J and his father demanded that his mother call me to apologize for what she did.

She called me, and proceeded to insult me, insult my family and spew horrendous venom at me for 20 minutes until I hung up on her. It took two weeks for her to actually "sincerely" apologize to me for what she did. Almost two years later, I have had to endure her reign of terror in various forms for no reason. I have gone out of my way to help her, do for her, please her. Nothing works. I've talked, she's lied. I've pleaded, she's lied. She will throw temper tantrums when J stands up for me or himself and his father will enable & defend her to the point of idiocy.

Being that we are not married, it seems like an easy out. Except, that J and I desperately want to be together and make things work. Right now it is looking impossible after the last breach of my trust and lack of boundary into my personal life. I don't know what to do anymore and this forum seemed like a somewhat appropriate place to write about it. If anyone has experience with narcissists, please help me save my life and my relationship. I don't know what to do anymore.  [/quote]

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