Reply to Emotional Labor - a good read for men AND women

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]HA!

First year of marriage and I thought it was fun to buy presents for all of my new extended family (my inlaws, all the DH siblings, their spouses and kids, all his cousins) because I was from a very small family, plus newly married! this is fun! We're so cute! awwwww!

Fast forward 15 years and somehow it turned into me being responsible for everything to do with every holiday event: not only all the Xmas plans, decorations, food, presents for our kids and his family but also the birthdays and any other big event. Bought every present my kids every received "from mom and dad" - Xmas was probably so much fun for him cause not only did he get presents but he got to see what all the kids got too cause he had no idea. Every party: organized by me. Every vacation: organized by me.

(No, I was not then and am not now a SAHM, we both worked full time. I was also 100% responsible for all things child - daycare, all shopping/clothes/whatever, doctors appointments, school...)

And so  I said no more: I'm not buying for your family anymore. (researching the gifts, wrapping, and then shipping everything).  This is for almost 30 people. Enough. It's ridiculous. You want your family to have presents then YOU BUY THEM. Honestly, I was completely out of ideas for gifts and just didn't have the energy.

So what did they get that year from us? [b]Nothing.[/b]

Not a single thing.

And when his parents called him on Xmas day to inquire about the package that they didn't receive - maybe it had been lost in the mail?  He had to make up some excuse and had flowers shipped the next day.

His grand solution to the whole thing? He has his secretary do it now -(just for his parents, the rest of the family doesn't get anything) and they get a Harry & David basket every year since. (Order it once, get on their schedule, they'll send it every year for you.)

He still doesn't buy for our kids - neither birthdays or Xmas. I have tried to get him involved. Maybe it's too much work (IT IS! It is a lot of work!) and he'd rather just let me do it.

But no matter how many times I tell him I'm overwhelmed or I need help or I'm so tired... I get the "aw, you can do it, you're *so good at it*, you love shopping..." No, no I don't love shopping. I actually hate shopping and the malls. *bangs head against wall*[/quote]

This is me. I stopped this year too. They got phone calls from DH for Christmas. So what? Let them complain to him. Sigh. He doesn't care. [/quote]

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