Reply to Emotional Labor - a good read for men AND women

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[quote=Anonymous]A woman here, and this was an interesting read.  I think there is a lot of truth here.  However, I have a visceral reaction to anything that just completely categorizes how women think vs how men think.  I can relate to some things said in the thread, but not others - I don't think I am a "stereotypical" woman, whatever that means.

Couldn't this be summed up by saying that it should be important to everyone to be emotionally supportive of your family and friends and spouses, to maintain and nurture those relationships?  And that in many cases, it's often the females who take on more of this role?  But isn't this like any division of roles between two partners - you communicate and you come to an understanding of what your roles are, and if something is not working, you communicate some more and come up with a better solution together, right?

There is some martyrdom in the thread that makes me uncomfortable, that views women in a position of powerlessness, as victims, and places men in a position of power and abusers of that power.  I don't view marriage that way, it's a partnership right?  This is a generalization, but I believe are women are amazingly powerful, and in many ways, more powerful than men in many areas of life.

My husband was not always good at maintaining friendships, and remembering things like his mom's birthday. I told my husband a long time ago, probably a year into our relationship, that if something ever happens to me, I don't want him to be isolated and alone.  That he needed to learn to nurture his friendships and family relationships, and that it was something he needed to learn to do, without me.  And he has to some extent.

And when he didn't pick up the phone to call his mom, his mom would call me and complain about how he never called.  I told her, if you want a good relationship with your son, you need to start talking to him about this, not me, that this was between him and her.  Oh yeah, I got the whole "but that was my role in the family, to maintain all our family relationships, if it wasn't for me, my husband wouldn't be in touch with anyone, blah blah blah"  She complained about taking on that role all the time, but I believe that it was also her way of feeling needed, important, indispensable to the family, so she did get something out of it.  And she truly did take on the role with relish - every one of my husband's siblings do not really talk to each other, they talk through their mother. It's dysfunctional.[/quote]

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