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[quote=Anonymous]will crosspost this in family section, but trying to find a healthy balance between having my inlaws involved in our children's lives and ensuring we have some space to grow ourselves as a family.

we probably created some of the situation by accepting an offer to provide childcare one day a week for our toddler.

DC truly loves the grandparents and in general they are good people -- my FIL in particular rubs me and many people the wrong way, but he is good with our child at this age (enjoys reading books, playing legos, going for walks etc and giving our child on-on-one attention).

He also enjoys passively insulting me and his son as well as things that are important to me in general (religion, organized sports --- he's an introvert who is obsessed with computer games). I have tried to generally ignore his comments because I know he struggles with maintaining friendships, etc but they often make me feel uncomfortable in my own home (for example, I'm leaving for work in the morning and I go to hug DC, DC hugs me and turns back to my FIL and FIL says, "see that tells you DC wants to be with me" or my FIL will say "I know Mommy isn't as exciting as Daddy but please give her a hug too"). Inlaws frequently discuss how DH and FIL are DC's favorite people, "mommy's ok but not when compared with grandpa.")

DC does show a clear preference for my husband, which definitely hurts my feelings but we have our own bond and I altered my work schedule to spend more one-on-one time with DC -- am wondering if somehow DC is picking up on how inlaws treat me or something and that is affecting his attitude towards me. There are other minor issues too where DH and I are second-guessed by his folks --- ie on the timing of when to move the child's carseat to forward-facing position, whether we should apply sunscreen to a toddler before a beach outing at 230 in the afternoon in July (FIL criticizes us for doing so because its unnecessary), pushing us to keep a toddler up until 10 p.m. during a family vacation, secretly letting 20 month-old sit on a tractor lawn mower and turning it on without asking our permission, etc. then giggling like it was a fun secret when someone else in the family mentioned it.

They are very hands-on people, but occasionally it feels like our opinions and roles as parents are being shoved aside. Inlaws pushed hard to have DC sleep in their room during week-long family vacation (seems strange and overly aggressive to me to seek this sleeping arrangement), also would say they wanted to be the one to get DC when he woke up 
from nap etc.

It all came to a head this week over the absolute stupidest of situations and we're know trying to reassess how to handle interactions: 
My husband got into an argument with FIL after DH asked FIL to allow our child to play with a puzzle-type toy on his own so he could learn how to manipulate it, FIL refused and literally blew a raspberry in DH's face, getting spit on him in the process and DH lost it and it all turned into an epic WW III screaming match that ended with FIL screaming "go f*ck yourself" to DH. in front of entire family, including DC and other young children.

Any advice on how to proceed from here?
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