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[quote=Anonymous]I am trying to figure out how to portion my time over Christmas and would really appreciate honest opinions. The situation: All of my family is local. My mom is a very caring and warm person but can be a little difficult at times. She and SIL got off to a rocky start (20+ years ago) and never recovered a relationship. My brother hates conflict, so his solution is to see my parents rarely, even though they live 10 minutes away. I often try to fill the gaps of "family time" with my presence and my kids' (I am divorced). Parents are mid-70s; elderly, I guess, but very healthy and completely with-it mentally.

My brother has indicated that he won't be available Christmas Eve to spend time with my parents. He has invited all of us, along with a fairly large number of others, to his house for Christmas dinner. I've been to these large gatherings at his place before. They serve food buffet style and folks spread out around the house balancing plates wherever they can. Because of this big gathering on the 25th, we are all gathering for a light meal and present exchange during the week (not Christmas Eve).

All of this is very frustrating to my mom, who wants some more meaningful 'family time' on the 24th or 25th. I think it bothers her that we are all local but she doesn't see us all together on the major holidays. (Kids and I spent Thanksgiving with my parents; brother and his family did not.)

There's a reason my dad is not present in any of this narrative, by the way. He is like my brother and just hates conflict. I think he is happy with whatever unfolds, so long as he doesn't have to deal with a lot of my mom's disappointment.

So here's my dilemma. The other day, my mother said to me, "Well, I hope you and the kids will be coming to church with us Christmas Eve." Like, my brother can't do it, so at least we can. We (kids and I) don't have a religious affiliation while my parents are extremely active in a church, so it kind of makes sense. But, kids and I just.don't.wan't.to. We've been to their church many times and just don't really like it. There's a church very near our house that offers a lovely Christmas Eve service. We've been there a few years running and really like it and want to return.

Do I owe it to my mom to go to their church Christmas Eve? I am torn between not wanting to disappoint her and wanting to carve out some nuclear family time.

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