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[quote=Anonymous][quote]OP, what's your wife's weight and height? And are you in shape yourself? You sound like you have unrealistically high expectations for her to look like she did when you married her over 10 years ago.[/quote]

sounds to me like OP first and foremost wants more intimacy, and thinks if his wife felt better about her body the sex would return.

sorry to hear it OP. I have kids the same ages and life does revolve around kids/work/kids/work. DH does a lot too, but its hard to generate passion out of thin air, after you've been wiping butts, dealing with spills, dealing with everyone else's wants/needs and sex feels like another demand. THat's not how I see it--now--but I bet it is how some spouses feel. We were conscious of becoming roomates, so we now try to really stop the separate disconnected time after the kids are in bed, at least a few nights a week. It's a bad habit, but I think when you work full time and parent young kids, when they finally go to bed you just feel like having "me/alone" time and it becomes mutually reinforcing of a general disconnect.  So now, we kind of say 'I'd love to spend some time together tonight" so the expectation is there earlier; sometimes we open a bottle of wine and talk; sometimes we just watch a show together, but we try to do somethign together, and go to bed together. Sex is not necessarily partof the equation every time, but the spending time together, without kids, not necessarily on a date night; is important.

We also have found that while date nights are hard, every once in a while we have lunch togehter during the work week. We pick a nice restaurant (hey we're not getting a babysitter) and enjoy the company. I find that this is a good way to reconnect, without the pressure of date night or expectation of sex right after (which for some people might be a turn off if they're in that pattern in their marriage).

finally, DH and I started exercising togehter on the weekends (I exercise during the week, but he wasn't working out). We put the kids in babysitting at the gym, workout, shower, and then all do something fun. I think DH feels the way your wife does--he has gained weight and is ashamed about it, but feels good working out and I make sure to notice that he's lost weight/put on muscle/looks good in those pants, etc. [/quote]

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