Reply to Pep Talk Needed for Week-Long Beach Trip with Sister

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[quote=Anonymous]I had to brace myself for a similar situation this week.

Day 1: Had a solid plan. Do X, Y, Z at this time because it is time sensitive (concerts, etc.).  We had to do dinner. I polled my family, and then suggested an alternative that catered to HER needs/preferences.  Everyone was OK about that.
WENT TO BED EARLY.

Day 2: Stuck with typical routine for my family (it was my house) and offered on ramps and off ramps to her. "We are going to mall b/c kid 2 is meeting friends for scheduled event. Would you like to come and shop, or would you like to rest and stay home with other kid (who did not need watching)." Went well.
Also, in the morning, I have her 3 ideas for how to spend the evening. When she selected 1, I booked it. (Had to buy tickets). Later in the day she said if I had not paid, she probably would like to change the plans and gave many reasons not to go (a pattern....wants to think about doing everything, doesn't do it, and is let down she never does anything, then blames me).  NOPE. We have tickets. Go in what you are wearing. Leaving in 15 minutes.
We went. Good time. 
WENT TO BED EARLY again.

Day 3: Offered another planned activity part of our routine (and hers, per her, at home).  She declined.  I went anyway with my kid.
She asked how it was, and justified her choice. I was neutral.

Another pattern was I really made sure meal times were clear and estrablished (for my own health/stress level) and I ate well (healthy) without drinking.

I'm not anti drinking, but it swings my mood and gives ammo to the other side.  I have a few glasses of wine when I am comfortable. If I am uncomfortable, wine doesn't get me there. It deeped the mood I am in.  That's just me.

I also realize my spouse (blessing the heart) vents about the situation and pretends that is supportive to me. I KNOW it is imperfect and when it is pointed out to me, it just makes me uncomfortable.  This time, we talked about how spouse could stay out of the picture and still be helpful.  (Went to the store, ran the kids to take care of small errands when needed, but more "behind the scenes" support).  Not sure if this would work for you, but it helped me.

YMMV.

....
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