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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This isn't a phenomenon limited to MILs/SILs and the wife, this is a pretty universal phenomenon of people displacing blame onto people who can't hurt them as much. Kind of like how when someone learns their spouse has had an affair, they often disproportionately blame the other partner while forgiving their spouse. It's much easier emotionally to blame the outsider for having ruined a lovely family dynamic than to admit the person you love dearly (your child) just isn't that interested in a relationship with you, and that lovely family dynamic never existed.[/quote]

You clearly don't understand affairs.[/quote]

My last sentence was intended to address OP's particular question, not the affair scenario. For that one, I would have framed it differently -- that for many people it is easier to blame the outside party than to confront some of the realities of what an affair says about your spouse and your marriage. Beyond that potential misunderstanding, I'm curious to know what you think I don't understand about affairs.[/quote]

First, I know my brothers and my SIL's so it is possible for me to not like things my SIL does separate from disliking what my brother does. A SIL is not exactly an "outside" party.

Statistics show that affairs happen in loving relationships, so the assumption a "loving family dynamic" does not exist is just what OW wants to believe. Rarely do people only blame the AP, a forgiven partner normally bears most of the blame and contrition for such an act is quite severe and intense, sure both parties have some blame, but the belief the OW is blamed more is also just in the heads of the OW.

Often, though, after a divorce it is common for the "brother" in these scenarios realize how much of their family they gave up and how unhealthy it was. If a man kept his wife from her family through manipulation it would be considered abusive but when women do it to men, men are just considered wimps.

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