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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Can you just gently tell her, "You know, I know you want the best for us and have wisdom to share, but sometimes it can feel a little overwhelming when you give so much advice. Even if the advice is good, as adults we like to try to figure things out and make our own decisions. We are happy we can turn to you and ask you for your input, but maybe not so much of the time."

What is your and your MIL's ethnic background?[/quote]

Indian. I moved to US when I was 12 years old but she moved here 2 years back. Before that, My FIL and MIL used to visit us for 6 months which was another nightmare. Eventually they moved here[/quote]

I'm in the same boat and it is overwhelming for sure. When we first got married, I was shocked by the number of things one can have an opinion about! Never in my life had I met some one who had so many opinions and felt so comfortable to share them all the time, even after being asked to stop and multiple subject changes. I mean, all day every day, it's "do this, do that, why haven't you taken care of XYZ?" while we already have a routine that runs smoothly even when no one is there to question it 24/7. I'm all for making changes and accommodating loved ones when they visit, but making space for some one is not the same as letting them take over and undermine your autonomy in your own household. But that is where understanding the cultural differences on family roles and expectations, and what it means to be an adult is helpful. If you can have a frank conversation about that with your ILs, then you both can develop some appreciation for the roles you're both trying to play and make room for each other's perspective. Without that understanding, I think you're left just bickering at the surface about things that don't really matter.

Things are now much better with my MIL. She still gives a lot of advice, but it's less than what she used to do and she tries to couch in terms of just voicing her experience, rather than ordering us around. I try not to get disproportionately frustrated with it and I cede control over certain domains that make her happy and give her a sense of purpose when she does visit, but that don't push me out of my role as a mother & wife. [/quote]

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