Reply to What % of these in-laws threads would be unnecessary if spouses would step up?

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[quote=Anonymous]Well it's not that black and white for me and my DH.  He does a really great job, but it's an ongoing issue.  It's not just a one time thing that happens and then all the issues are gone.  It's honestly an issue about 80% of the time we see his mother.  That's down from 100% of the time.  I am hopeful the "issues" will get better and better, but it's a multi-progned approach.  Some of it is on me (realigning my expectations) and some of it is on her (getting use to having a DIL).

My MIL is a difficult person to be around a lot of the time.  Their family had a way of dealing with it which mainly involved some combination of ignoring her and/or walking on eggshells around her.  That became a lot harder to do once I was around, because if she was complaining about my DH she was also complaining about ME (ex: you are late, you don't come over enough etc).  I didn't think those complaints were valid all the time so I'd stand up for myself, whereas my DH would just IGNORE her.  I thought he was being rude.  BUT I've learned to just say "talk to DH about that".

ANYHOW.  Basically my DH does a great job managing his mother.  She's not a fun person to be around, but she is his mother and he loves her.  In turn I respect that relationship as much as possible.  I do ask that he stands up for US at times, but I also try to step back and let him manage his own relationship with her.  It's been years and things are a bit better than when we first got married, but I can't say they are wonderful.  I am hopeful they'll get better, but I also know that there is only so good it can get.  That's ok.  [/quote]

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