Reply to Things you want to tell your spouse but can't or won't

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I lost my virginity at age 14 in a closet with someone I didn't know while others waited outside for their turns. You are the first people I've told, and the last. [/quote]

Did the people outside get a turn?[/quote]

You were abused. It's not that you lost your virginity to someone, and then to anyone waiting outside that door.  You might feel ashamed about it or whatever the reason is that you don't want to tell your spouse or anyone else, but you have no reason to feel that way- even if you believe you knew what would happen beforehand.

It wasn't your fault, no matter what. You were a young girl. Tell a therapist and talk about it. You deserve the caring and help that is coming.

Sending a hug your way as the first step.

My ex once told me about a group of boys that regularly abused him when he was about 12. The way it came up was unusual because he saw it as neighborhood bullying- a childhood thing. He didn't see it as sexual abuse until he learned about another kid with a similar situation many years later, and then saw it as abuse and realized he had also been abused. I think he's had lifelong issues from this.

Understand it for what it is and take care of yourself. It's not a shameful secret. [/quote]

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