Anonymous
Post 10/28/2015 12:44     Subject: Things you want to tell your spouse but can't or won't
I won't tell my dh how I got good at a particular sex act (abuse).

There's been a lot of therapy. I'm OK, and have a healthy sense of my sexuality now.
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2015 12:43     Subject: Things you want to tell your spouse but can't or won't
Anonymous wrote:I lost my virginity at age 14 in a closet with someone I didn't know while others waited outside for their turns. You are the first people I've told, and the last.


I'm so sorry.

Anonymous
Post 10/28/2015 12:07     Subject: Things you want to tell your spouse but can't or won't
Anonymous wrote:I lost my virginity at age 14 in a closet with someone I didn't know while others waited outside for their turns. You are the first people I've told, and the last.


Waited their turns? You and a bunch of your guy friends gang-banged a girl in a closet one after the other? Sloppy seconds, etc?
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2015 12:05     Subject: Things you want to tell your spouse but can't or won't
That while she periodically grouses that I have "morning breath", she probably has tonsiliths (learned that here on DCUM!) and her breath could sometimes knock a bison over. My breath could never aspire to be in the same league...it's just epic. If hers were like that consistently, I'd force myself to tell her.
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2015 12:05     Subject: Things you want to tell your spouse but can't or won't
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I lost my virginity at age 14 in a closet with someone I didn't know while others waited outside for their turns. You are the first people I've told, and the last.


Did the people outside get a turn?


You were abused. It's not that you lost your virginity to someone, and then to anyone waiting outside that door. You might feel ashamed about it or whatever the reason is that you don't want to tell your spouse or anyone else, but you have no reason to feel that way- even if you believe you knew what would happen beforehand.

It wasn't your fault, no matter what. You were a young girl. Tell a therapist and talk about it. You deserve the caring and help that is coming.

Sending a hug your way as the first step.

My ex once told me about a group of boys that regularly abused him when he was about 12. The way it came up was unusual because he saw it as neighborhood bullying- a childhood thing. He didn't see it as sexual abuse until he learned about another kid with a similar situation many years later, and then saw it as abuse and realized he had also been abused. I think he's had lifelong issues from this.

Understand it for what it is and take care of yourself. It's not a shameful secret.
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2015 11:01     Subject: Things you want to tell your spouse but can't or won't
I slept with a lot of people before we got married and I'm glad I did.
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2015 11:01     Subject: Re:Things you want to tell your spouse but can't or won't
If you are and were that depressed you shouldn't have married and put your misery on someone else. Either learn to cope or divorce. It's not fair to your husband.
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2015 10:59     Subject: Things you want to tell your spouse but can't or won't
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I lost my virginity at age 14 in a closet with someone I didn't know while others waited outside for their turns. You are the first people I've told, and the last.


Did the people outside get a turn?


Don't answer that. That wasn't the point of this thread.
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2015 10:58     Subject: Things you want to tell your spouse but can't or won't
I'd tell her the $200 she spends each month on various facial care products don't help a bit.
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2015 10:57     Subject: Things you want to tell your spouse but can't or won't
Anonymous wrote:I lost my virginity at age 14 in a closet with someone I didn't know while others waited outside for their turns. You are the first people I've told, and the last.


Did the people outside get a turn?
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2015 10:30     Subject: Things you want to tell your spouse but can't or won't
I lost my virginity at age 14 in a closet with someone I didn't know while others waited outside for their turns. You are the first people I've told, and the last.
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2015 10:20     Subject: Things you want to tell your spouse but can't or won't
Depression comes from repression. I agree with PP - your lack of support at home is surely making it worse. As a fellow depressed person, I'm sorry!
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2015 10:20     Subject: Things you want to tell your spouse but can't or won't
I'm sorry you feel like you can't tell your spouse. Would they be willing to go to therapy with you so it could be a mediated conversation?

I honestly tell my husband everything. There are lots of tearful nights when things get rough, but the best part of our marriage is our 100% openness. He can't support me the way I need if I don't tell him what I need--and vice versa.
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2015 10:19     Subject: Things you want to tell your spouse but can't or won't
your hiding the depression from your spouse is one of the symptoms

you need to tell
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2015 10:14     Subject: Things you want to tell your spouse but can't or won't
For me, how deep my depression can really get despite medication, exercise, and an absolute self awareness about what triggers it. This conversation would not work in my house and be met with a tough it out attitude.

It's not that easy. I have fought this battle for years. On some level I feel embarrassment and shame. On and off therapy has helped, but would also benefit from some understanding in the marriage. I think that many people are petrified of anyone who talks about depression.