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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You will appreciate them more only after you've set firm boundaries with them. Yes, their feelings will be hurt but eventually you will be able to have a relationship with them where you can relate from a place of strength and love.

Btw, you didn't have to justify your position to your mom (eg explaining how long do had been in that job). All you had to do was tell her to stop it and that you didn't want to hear it anymore. [/quote]

OP here. I've been doing this ... It has been a process over the last 20 years after I decided against cutting them out of my life.

The problem is that whenever I relax my vigilance even a little, something like this happens. We were having a nice phone conversation, and it was like she saw an "opening" to lob a conversational bomb. It makes me sad that in fact I can't really have a relationship with them beyond very lengthy, fortified, constantly-monitored boundaries. My kids love them. So that's good, I guess.

You're right, I didn't need to justify it, and I might have been trying to hurt her feelings a little bit by pointing out that she was coming from a place of total ignorance on the topic rather than being "the voice of reason and wisdom" she considers herself. That's another reason I feel so crummy about the way I handled it.[/quote]

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