Reply to Mom wants to get back together with abusive father

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]What really disturbs me and I can't understand is why my mom keeps putting herself in that position? I think she is flattered that my father still wants to get back with her after all these years (he has made that clear), but what I dont understand is why she would be interested in getting with someone who has physically hit her/abused her FOR YEARS? Maybe she is craving male attention but it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I also resent it for my sake, because he has done messed up stuff to me, not to mention my siblings.

My mom talks a great game, seeming very enlightened about the havoc he caused for all of us and how dysfunctional it was. But at the end of the day, she seems to turn into a little schoolgirl when he makes these overtures. It's gross.[/quote]

I don't mean this in an unkind way so please don't take it that way.  You need to stop trying to understand the reasons for her behavior.  You just do.  You'll drive yourself apeshit trying to rationalize something that isn't rational.  As a PP said, you need to focus more on her reactions to the boundaries you establish.  Not being around him, not listening to her conversations with him, not getting any news about him, etc.  are all very healthy boundaries.

I totally get where you're coming from.  My experience is similar except my mother would never have divorced my father (he died when I was 20 - best thing that EVER happened to me).  I can't believe how she'll talk nostalgically about my childhood.  It was a fucking nightmare!  Brutal, horrific, astounding!  No kid should have to go through what we went through and she's talking like he was Ward Cleaver.  WTF?![/quote]

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