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[quote=Anonymous]If your mom happens to be an addict, I've found 12-step programs to be helpful. Al-Anon helped me disengage from my mother. Also two realizations helped me in particular: 1) Setting limits with my mom. Telling her I didn't want to hear about how awful my father was. She got very upset but it helped a lot. 2) Realizing that when she got anxious, I was getting angry at her because she made me feel anxious. At some point, I realized that just because she was anxious, I didn't have to feel the same way. But that meant sitting with those feelings of anxiety, recognizing them, and telling myself that I needed to disengage from her but not getting mad at her (which was deflecting my attention from the anxiety). Eventually those feelings went away. Just remember - she wants to get your roiled up and engaged with her. You are tempted every time to participate because it's hard to accept that you can't change her. Work on disappointing her! Good luck![/quote]
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