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[quote=Anonymous]How do you deal with it?  You deal by communicating with the other family members around your MIL.  Don't engage her and don't cave to her controlling ways.

For the birthday dinner, let MIL throw a tantrum and just confirm with SIL that you and your husband will meet her for dinner as per the original plans.  If MIL cannot make it, you'll all see her another time.

For the family members who asked when you are going to get a real job or how long you are going to be cleaning houses, you just say "I see you spoke with Marge.  I run a real business, but she just doesn't really understand what I do.  I help people reorganize their homes and it's actually been quite successful."

You correct what she says to the family members as the situation warrants and you don't engage her controlling ways.  And for family interactions, you do need to get your husband on-board with maintaining family relationships without going through his mother.  You do this by just contacting other family members and even when she tries to intervene, you hold to your original plans by coordinating directly with the other parties.  She can only control the family if they let her.  If all of the other family members kowtow to her, then the problem is as much the family as it is her.

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