Anonymous
Post 08/06/2015 09:50     Subject: Re:MIL at it again..

How do you deal with it? You deal by communicating with the other family members around your MIL. Don't engage her and don't cave to her controlling ways.

For the birthday dinner, let MIL throw a tantrum and just confirm with SIL that you and your husband will meet her for dinner as per the original plans. If MIL cannot make it, you'll all see her another time.

For the family members who asked when you are going to get a real job or how long you are going to be cleaning houses, you just say "I see you spoke with Marge. I run a real business, but she just doesn't really understand what I do. I help people reorganize their homes and it's actually been quite successful."

You correct what she says to the family members as the situation warrants and you don't engage her controlling ways. And for family interactions, you do need to get your husband on-board with maintaining family relationships without going through his mother. You do this by just contacting other family members and even when she tries to intervene, you hold to your original plans by coordinating directly with the other parties. She can only control the family if they let her. If all of the other family members kowtow to her, then the problem is as much the family as it is her.

Anonymous
Post 08/06/2015 09:45     Subject: MIL at it again..

Who is telling her about your plans in advance? If it's you, you need to stop. And you need to just accept that she's going to bitch and moan, but that doesn't mean you need to change your plans.
Anonymous
Post 08/06/2015 09:00     Subject: MIL at it again..

Anonymous wrote:In this circumstance I would ignore any communication from your MIL after you made the plans with SIL. Go out and have dinner with her anyway. What would happen?


+1
Anonymous
Post 08/06/2015 08:55     Subject: MIL at it again..

In this circumstance I would ignore any communication from your MIL after you made the plans with SIL. Go out and have dinner with her anyway. What would happen?
Anonymous
Post 08/06/2015 08:54     Subject: MIL at it again..

Does the rest of his family acknowledge that she's controlling and divisive, or are they all too used to it? My mom is like this, and it's been a losing battle my entire life just to do things or even talk with my relatives. I gave up. She invests more time and energy in being a controlling bitch than I can handle.

Anonymous
Post 08/06/2015 08:26     Subject: MIL at it again..

Anonymous wrote:Mil will never let DH and I make plans with his family without her. She is fine with anyone else but the second we suggest a dinner or meetup with a family member, she takes over the plans, invites herself, or arranges it so they are with her and can't do the original plans with us anymore. It's like she honestly does not want his family to like us (me maybe?) We asked 26 yo SIL if we could take her out for her bday dinner and mil called later saying no to dinner but she would drive 2 hours here to attend a lunch with all of us. We said we were out of town on that day, and she threw a fit that we told SIL we could do dinner during the week only. What the heck gives?

We did attend one family function that she was unable to prevent us from going to and I found it interesting that dhs aunt asked me when I'm going to get a "real" job. I started my own business 2 years ago and do home organizing...

They have never asked what I do for a living, so this all came from mil. Other family members have asked how much longer I'm gonna do house cleaning. ??? I am starting to hate this woman. I'm trying hard not to. Real hard. Not sure what to do about the trash talking and not wanting us around anyone alone
Heck, maybe it's because of the trash talking. Anyone else dealt with this?


The problem is not your mil. The problem is your spineless husband and your inability to set boundaries. Don't blame someone else for something you allow.
Anonymous
Post 08/06/2015 08:21     Subject: MIL at it again..

Mil will never let DH and I make plans with his family without her. She is fine with anyone else but the second we suggest a dinner or meetup with a family member, she takes over the plans, invites herself, or arranges it so they are with her and can't do the original plans with us anymore. It's like she honestly does not want his family to like us (me maybe?) We asked 26 yo SIL if we could take her out for her bday dinner and mil called later saying no to dinner but she would drive 2 hours here to attend a lunch with all of us. We said we were out of town on that day, and she threw a fit that we told SIL we could do dinner during the week only. What the heck gives?

We did attend one family function that she was unable to prevent us from going to and I found it interesting that dhs aunt asked me when I'm going to get a "real" job. I started my own business 2 years ago and do home organizing...

They have never asked what I do for a living, so this all came from mil. Other family members have asked how much longer I'm gonna do house cleaning. ??? I am starting to hate this woman. I'm trying hard not to. Real hard. Not sure what to do about the trash talking and not wanting us around anyone alone
Heck, maybe it's because of the trash talking. Anyone else dealt with this?