Reply to Husband of 25 years tells me he thinks he made a mistake by marrying me

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[quote=Anonymous]Talk talk talk talk talk.

Maybe I should've married one of my prior boyfriends, too--maybe we'd have had an easier life, fewer arguments, who knows.  I dated very good people, so I had a really nice sample of people to reflect back on...

I might approach this at first with a bunch of investigatory questions:

1. When you look back on it now, today, do you regret that you married me?

2. Do you think about this often? Has it plagued you for years, or has it recently resurfaced?

3. How do you think your life would've been better with this other person, worse, just different?

4. Do you think you could've actually married this other person--it takes two to tango, after all.  Is this fantasy of what might have been based on reality?

5. Do you feel that given what the reality is now (the other person is out of the picture, we've been married or 20 years) that you want out of our marriage?  Or given what currently "is," would you choose what we have now?

6. What do you like about our life together?  What do you wish was different?  Is there anything that is currently a "deal breaker," and can we fix or address whatever's still troubling you and us?

7. Why are you telling me this now?

Things like that.  It could get heated, but if you can, try to just dig out as much information as you can so you know what you're really working with. Who knows, he might've just been spouting out a bunch of bullshit without really thinking it through.  Which is itself a bad sign, but it's something you can probably work with.[/quote]

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