Reply to Husband of 25 years tells me he thinks he made a mistake by marrying me

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[quote=Anonymous]My ex said this after 20 years.  I was equally dumbfounded.  For me, the hardest part was the disillusionment.  He had some other secrets as well that factored in to things.  I felt like my life was a lie (not really that dramatic, but you know what I mean).  I questioned all my judgement, my misplaced trust, etc.  Over time I realized that he was selectively choosing to recall all the times that he ever had doubt in our relationship (I think we all have those times).  He had other issues that had NOTHING to do with me as well.

The most important thing to realize is that you do not have to make any decisions right now -- NONE.  Let this sink in.  Find out if this is just the tip of an iceberg, or just an admission that he thinks his life would have been different/better if he had married his other girlfriend (I doubt it...).  Then consider whether you want to work on your marriage or not.  For now, do what feels right to you.  Ask him to sleep in the spare room if you think you need space.

Do not make any major life decision over the next couple of months.  The hardest thing after learning something like is is to resist the desire to make it all go away.  Sometimes we run from our marriage, sometimes we try to make it work, but it doesn't have to happen quickly.  In fact, it probably shouldn't.  Take your time.

Share with a couple of really close friends.  Resist discussing with the family (if you can) until you know what you want to do.  It's impossible to take back your words once they are out.  Your family may never forgive him -- even if you do.
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