Reply to IL boundaries when caring for child 1 day/wk

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[quote=Anonymous]My ILs live relatively locally and are providing care for our child in our home one day a week while we're at work. I realize we're incredibly lucky to have this option and took them up on the offer because they are basically good people and I know quality time with grandparents is better than another day in daycare for DC.

However, I now feel I have created a challenging situation --- FIL is extremely overbearing and controlling and routinely contradicts DH and me about care for our toddler. They live in a very wooded area and we've asked him to be careful about taking DC near high grass because of ticks (constantly everywhere and on everyone at their home) --- this results in mocking and a lesson on how easy it is to check children for ticks.

We've repeatedly asked FIL to lift DC by the waist, not pulling up by arms to prevent against dislocated shoulder/elbow (friends similarly aged kid had this happen). He is either willfully ignoring us or incredibly absentminded because keeps lifting DC by the arms.

Today, DC was going outside to play with grandparents near water --- DH asked them to wait so we could apply sunscreen, both ILs mocked us saying that a)dc wouldn't be in the sun, b) it was 3 p.m. and c)he wouldn't be out long enough to get burnt. DC is, I repeat, a toddler. We are not chasing a tween with sunscreen.

Finally, they challenge us on letting DC play in the water (which is not exactly know as the cleanest body of water in town and results in our dog getting sick whenever he drinks from this area) --- we have asked them to keep him on the sand because he is still young enough that he tries to drink all water he bathes/swims in and we don't want him ingesting this water. Again, more arguing/challenging, "good luck keeping him out of the water" remarks.

I have really grown to resent this situation and my FIL --- am tired of continually having to defend rather basic child safety guidance. Honestly wish we lived far away and I blame myself for inviting them into our lives to this extent because I feel like that has somehow given them the impression that they get this sort of say in our lives. Are we being ridiculous/ If not, how to extricate?[/quote]

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