Reply to Have you ever loved a woman but didn't tell her?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Cogiteur][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here's my theory on this post:  you desperately want to believe that the man you are involved with "secretly" loves you but is just afraid/held back by his fears/too macho/emotionally scarred/dipshit/the bitches got him first.

OP, please.  He's not the one for you.  Stop it.  Stop wasting your time.[/quote]

I'm not the OP, but this is actually what happened to me.  I was in love with a guy.  I knew he cared about me, but always felt it was one sided and on his terms.  We never properly dated, but had a really strong, complicated connection.  After 3 years I finally told him that I loved him.  I expected nothing back.  A month or two later, he told me that he loved me as well...and then disappeared.  Come to find out the reason he was M.I.A was because he was scared of what he was feeling.   So that actually does happen.  We are not together.  We would not be good together in marriage.  [b]I still love him deeply and I know that he still loves me as well.  This has been going on for 20 years now and it makes you realize just how beautiful love is.[/b]  It is not just one dimensional.  It is a multi faceted experience.  [/quote]

Nice post.  I'm curious - If you love him that deeply, and it hasn't wavered in two decades, don't you long for him?  Or have you found a place where you can feel that kind of love without dissolving into madness?

Because this is where I am.  It's only been a year, and I'm trying to come to terms with being in love with her for the rest of my life and not being able to ever hold her again.  [/quote]

There is someone in my life that I loved deeply. He never loved me back. But I learned that love really is about giving without expecting it back. But I also learned that as much as I loved him, I loved me more and I needed more that he could give me. So I had to walk away. There is a piece of my heart that still love him deeply. And I learned how to love him in my heart, but not in my life. We are still friends, but only in contact sporadically (every couple of years).

Loving him and keeping my heart open to loving him even without receiving love back from him was a great lesson. As was loving so much, but knowing I loved me more and doing what I needed to do to take care of me. It has helped me so much in my marriage (I met him after the other guy). And I am very lucky I found someone I love even more and on a deeper level I didn't know existed and who loves me back. 
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