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[quote=Anonymous]First of all, the expenses:  some are the prep work for the service: tutoring.  At my synagogue, you pay the fee and they pay the tutor.  That allows them to ensure the inability to pay will not keep the child from the lifecycle event.  Talk to the clergy.

For the party:  Do a kiddish lunch, as other have said.  That will cost a bit, but not 10K....have a smaller kids party in the evening....Skip on the DJ and the photographer.  Minimal on the decorations...I posted a break down of our expenses in a thread on DJ's....Bottom line:  fixed costs were planner,  DJ and Photographer, together about 6K; Decorating was about 3K....

I was broke 18 months before the bat mitzvah:  medical expenses.  I had been dealing with my Cancer and heart disease at the same time my company went to a high deductible plan.  (Literally, cancer surgery 1 month into the new plan, 9K in expenses out of pocket), and the HSA was new and had no money in it.  Still am dealing with it...but the cash is flowing a little better now.  I was willing to spend the money because I know I will not be around for any other lifecycle events for her.

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