We just had one and it didn't break the bank. No dance party/mini-wedding. Just a simple luncheon after for family and adult friends. Separate birthday party-type party for kids (but could have easily cut that out). The main expenses were the temple fee and the luncheon. I agree with the self-cater option at an inexpensive venue. Depending on how big your family is, I think you can get a nice party for a few thousand or even less if you do a dessert party or a party at your house.

When I became a bat mitzvah years ago, parties at parents house were the norm, not a crazy expensive event. You don't have to conform to what others are doing, I have seen all things in my child's class. Including no party at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3k for decorating? I spent a. Few hundred renting linens, and maybe 150 on potted plants from Harris teeter for the tables. What did the 3k go to?

OP, the day will be great and you will be overwhelmed with love for this kid of yours.

Centerpieces, linen, and I really don't know....I just paid the bills

My point was that it was not necessary. It was a place that we could cut. OTOH, making the banquet room look like Hawaii was a lot cheaper than going to Hawaii.

Anonymous wrote:3k for decorating? I spent a. Few hundred renting linens, and maybe 150 on potted plants from Harris teeter for the tables. What did the 3k go to?

OP, the day will be great and you will be overwhelmed with love for this kid of yours.

Centerpieces, linen, and I really don't know....I just paid the bills

You could do the religious ceremony, a small lunch and maybe go in an overnight trip to celebrate. I see nice spa/hotels on groupon all the time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your kid want? Do you see your financial situation changing in the next 18 months? Can someone get a second job? Sell some stuff? Do you have a profession where you can work on trade?

For gods sake.

Just do the religious ceremony and don't bow into pressure to throw a huge expensive party.

Amen. Do a simple kiddish, and a party at home for his friends.

This is what my family did for my niece. Her parents had no money at the time (and neither did anyone else so we couldn't help either). Everyone remembers it as a beautiful event.

3k for decorating? I spent a. Few hundred renting linens, and maybe 150 on potted plants from Harris teeter for the tables. What did the 3k go to?

OP, the day will be great and you will be overwhelmed with love for this kid of yours.

PP here.

The main thing is the expenses are the people you hire to help...so if you do things yourself, that saves a lot of money.

First of all, the expenses: some are the prep work for the service: tutoring. At my synagogue, you pay the fee and they pay the tutor. That allows them to ensure the inability to pay will not keep the child from the lifecycle event. Talk to the clergy.

For the party: Do a kiddish lunch, as other have said. That will cost a bit, but not 10K....have a smaller kids party in the evening....Skip on the DJ and the photographer. Minimal on the decorations...I posted a break down of our expenses in a thread on DJ's....Bottom line: fixed costs were planner, DJ and Photographer, together about 6K; Decorating was about 3K....

I was broke 18 months before the bat mitzvah: medical expenses. I had been dealing with my Cancer and heart disease at the same time my company went to a high deductible plan. (Literally, cancer surgery 1 month into the new plan, 9K in expenses out of pocket), and the HSA was new and had no money in it. Still am dealing with it...but the cash is flowing a little better now. I was willing to spend the money because I know I will not be around for any other lifecycle events for her.

There are lots of ways to do this. If your daughter wants to do a service project, she can organize her guests into brigades of volunteers for the project. If she does something like a park cleanup, you can have a picnic afterwards in the park.

If you want to do just do a big lunch after the service, you can rent rooms at most county rec centers cheaply. If you get lots of takeout platters from restaurants, delis, or markets, you can keep the cost down considerably. The food will also probably be better than if you have it catered, since caterers offer a variety of trendy foods, but can't do all of them equally well. The downside is having to set it all up and serve it yourself. It also won't necessarily be kosher.

I suggest that you write down all of the elements you want in a bat mitzvah (lunch, out of town relatives, kiddush, DJ, activities for kids etc.) and rank order them. Also, establish a budget.Then, figure out how far down your ranked list you'll be able to go and still afford it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your kid want? Do you see your financial situation changing in the next 18 months? Can someone get a second job? Sell some stuff? Do you have a profession where you can work on trade?

For gods sake.

Just do the religious ceremony and don't bow into pressure to throw a huge expensive party.

You're not a Jewish American, are you?

I am, and your comment is offensive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your kid want? Do you see your financial situation changing in the next 18 months? Can someone get a second job? Sell some stuff? Do you have a profession where you can work on trade?

For gods sake.

Just do the religious ceremony and don't bow into pressure to throw a huge expensive party.

Amen. Do a simple kiddish, and a party at home for his friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your kid want? Do you see your financial situation changing in the next 18 months? Can someone get a second job? Sell some stuff? Do you have a profession where you can work on trade?

For gods sake.

Just do the religious ceremony and don't bow into pressure to throw a huge expensive party.

You're not a Jewish American, are you?

Anonymous wrote:What does your kid want? Do you see your financial situation changing in the next 18 months? Can someone get a second job? Sell some stuff? Do you have a profession where you can work on trade?

For gods sake.

Just do the religious ceremony and don't bow into pressure to throw a huge expensive party.

What does your kid want? Do you see your financial situation changing in the next 18 months? Can someone get a second job? Sell some stuff? Do you have a profession where you can work on trade?

The title pretty much says it all. We have extremely limited resources and are planning a bat mitzvah about 18 months from now. Ideas or suggestions to keep costs down?