Reply to Another MIL Wants to Move Closer Thread...Desperate for Help

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[quote=Anonymous]My in-laws retired from the U.S. back to their home country in Asia.  We typically see MIL twice a year and FIL once a year.  We moved cross country last summer with 3 small children (5, 3 and 1) and have needed a little extra assistance.  My mother is usually a hands-on grandma even from long distances but has spent this past year taking of my stepfather with stage 4 cancer.  Thus, my MIL has been to visit us three times in one year for about 3-4 weeks each time.  I appreciate her visits but can barely get through them.  MIL is very pushy with her religion and passive aggressive.  I work at home with the two youngest kids/nanny.  We have the world's best nanny and I've seen the ways my in-laws treat "the help."  I really think my MIL anticipates becoming the "nanny" and will sabotage the situation.

DH typically just ignores his parents when they are being unreasonable. He has a long history of dealing with his controlling mother and spent most of his adult life trying to get away from her. So, I can't believe he is even supporting this.

MIL is currently visiting us.  Two days before she gets here, I see a text on DH's phone that says his parents want to rent an apartment near us to help this summer.  I ask DH if he's going to take care of this and he says yes.  Fast forward a week later, I ask MIL if she wants to go to lunch.  She tells me she can't because she has an appointment to look at an apartment.  I promptly text DH and he says he will take care of it.  So, last night I brought it up.  To my sheer horror, he thinks it's a great idea and that we could use the help.  Their visits are extremely stressful for me. Again, I work from home and am the one who has to constantly deal with them and run interference for the nanny.  His parents won't drive anywhere and we don't live in an area of town with their culture.  They would be over ALL THE TIME.

Is it wrong if I just say something to MIL myself? Something like "I really appreciate your generous offer but we have a lot going on this summer.  My mother is going to need a lot of support  and I expect her to come for a long visit when my stepfather passes away.  Plus, we are still getting used to our new jobs and city. Let's revisit this next summer when we are little more settled."

I know it's his parents and he should deal with them. I just need to shut this down before my MIL rents an apartment.  Advice please...

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