Reply to Could you take gifts from a relative if you knew that it disrupted their family?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP here; haven't read all replies, but I agree with PPs that your anger is displaced on "the takers."  Your heading should be "Why did my dad neglect his immediate family to give expensive presents to others?" not focusing on the relatives who took the gifts.  Because look:  you were IN the inner circle of the family, and you don't get why he did it, so why are you assuming everyone on the outside realized that you all were being neglected vs. that was your (mom's) choice?

Now, on to your dad.  I suspect this:  Money is power, and your dad, by giving his brother things, (or other family members) solidifies his alpha status in the pack of his sibs and their offspring.

My FIL is a nice guy and generous with everyone but his two children.  He (and MIL) has a vacation home in another country, and bought his longtime maid there a house in a gated community.  He's extremely proud to tell us this, and also constantly tells us how proud he is to have paid her daughter's way through college (because of the exchange rate, it's easy to do).  (And no, DCUM, there's no affair-type situation going on).  He has many people he "helps out."

It's that he derives status from this, public status and uses it as currency to show he's a big cheese and a generous man.  Would be nice if some of that generosity came our way but it never does--probably because he doesn't see it will buy him anything as his sons already love and respect him.

It's like this, OP.  [b]Look at many private schools, and side of the building says "Larla Smith Gymnasium" or "Larlo Jones Library."  The school benefits from their generosity, but Larla and Larlo benefit publicly in a huge way--I suspect they might not be so generous if their gifts were anonymous.

So IMO that's what your dad was doing.[/b]

[/quote]

yup[/quote]

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