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[quote=Anonymous]I whole heartedly recommend the Gottman book.  We have a similar dynamic (not the mother part) and I am always struggling with feeling like my husband is just another child to take care of.

Prior to the arrival of #2, we started seeing a marriage therapist and she saw this dynamic within the first 10 seconds.  She was helpful, but I don't think we made too much progress during the sessions.  It only emphasized what I always knew -- I'm the one who gets things done, and my husband prefers to be in the role of just following along.

So after baby #2 arrived, we didn't have time for counseling, and I was back to work full-time after not too long, and these issues were annoying me more than ever.  I ordered two copies of John Gottman's book the Seven Principles for Making Marriage work and to my husband I said something like "I am tired of having to make all the decisions.  I am exhausted.  I cannot muster the energy to come up with a complex plan to make our marriage work and regain the happiness we once had.  But I found this book, and people swear by it, so let us both read it and we can both tackle this together."

And so we started reading.  And then we started talking.  And then we started listening.  I have to work hard to not sound cold/"mean", but I've been working on it in exchange for him working on cutting me some slack in the tone department.  There is a great section of this book on solvable problems -- and that is where most of our problems fell, since they centered on how to get sh*t done in our lives.

Overall, things aren't 100% better, but they are hugely improved!  We no longer have emotionally charged arguments stemming from my comment about taking out the trash.  I still feel that I do 80% of the planning/coordinating, but its not 100%.  And we've only been working on these things for about 6-7 months, so I'm hoping my number will continue to decrease!!

So wishing you lots of luck.  It sucks when you feel like your husband is just another person sucking your time/energy.

Tackling the mother thing is a whole different ballgame ...[/quote]

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