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[quote=Anonymous]You are us, with roles reversed.  Read Gottmann or another book on communication styles - it really makes a huge difference in better structuring conversations, and in learning how to ensure you're both actually talking about the same issue.  And have you tried communicating issue in writing - email, text, etc.? I know lots of people will say texting is a terrible format for hashing stuff out but it actually works really, really well for us since it removes the whole issue of tone and nonverbal communication.

On the 'help' vs taking charge - can you explicitly lay out who is responsible for what and then just let his stuff go?

And on the mother front - are you asking him to not talk about you at all or being very explicit about it just being with his mother? If he's the type who needs to talk through stuff then giving him permission to talk about you to someone else is really important.  However it's also very valid for you to say that his mom has proven untrustworthy with that information and to ask him to talk about that kind of stuff with someone else (a best friend?) that you can also trust with the information.[/quote]

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