Reply to s/o Let mother visit stay with us after baby comes?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What problems do you see when she stays with you? Is it anything that you think can reasonably be changed or just an ingrained part of her personality?[/quote]

OP here.  It's ingrained but if she could just bring herself to stop talking when I say "I don't want to talk about this" then that would go a long way.  One example is that the last time she did stay with us, she saw the wooden scoop we keep in the sugar bowl and said that she wouldn't have thought that we would be so unhygienic.  I told her that it is completely safe.  She kept going on and on, for (literally!) 20 minutes, all while I told her I didn't want to talk about it, chance the subject, etc.  She finally stopped when I lost my cool and started actually fighting with her, then ended the whole thing by saying "well I thought it was a reasonable thing to point out to you" as she walked out in a huff, only to later return and accuse me of making her feel unwelcome in my home.  The thing that gets me is that these situations are so stupid and petty.  And yet they turn into these big deals that completely ruin my day.

I'd say that a benefit of her visiting is that she tries to help, but when she does, she doesn't really help.  She'll ask over and over what she can do to help.  I finally say that she can weed, and then she'll decide that she needs my old weeding shoes to weed and pester me until I find them for her (all the while with me telling her to forget about it and just sit down and relax).  Then she'll weed for 20 minutes, come in, sit down and say she is too old for this and she is tired and needs to rest and how could we possibly expect her to weed the whole house (which, of course, we didn't).  Then she'll decide to help by opening windows if it's a nice day, but she can't figure out the storm windows, so she bugs me until I do it.  Etc.  I just don't really find her help to be worth the hassle or the cost.
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