Reply to need some perspective--$$ and visiting far flung relatives

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[quote=Anonymous]We live in DC area. We are what I would describe as "middle" middle class. After paying mortgage, college savings for kids, and retirement savings for ourselves, we have little left in our paycheck. There's really not room in our budget for splurges. We have one car with 100,000 miles on it. Our vacations are frugal--think a week in a cabin at a state park. I'm working hard to reign in our budget, so we have more "rainy day" funds, but it's definitely the weakest part of our finances right now.

ILs live halfway across the country. I love the ILs--they are great people and we have a warm, loving relationship. 
ILs are now both retired. They've lived and continue to live a comfortable middle class life. They are healthy and still living in the full-size home, with two brand new cars. They've been prudent with money, and thoughtful about things like long-term care insurance, retirement savings, etc. (For which DH and I are eternally grateful.) They also can afford to have fun. They just went on a 3 week vacation to the west coast and Las Vegas. Good for them, I say--it sounds like they had fun, and since FIL only recently retired, it's great that they were able to take such a long vacation for the first time in a long time.

I'm frustrated with their expectations on us visiting them. The last two years they've come up with last-minute plans for vacation rentals for the family to meet at, and we are all expected to chip in to help pay. These ideas get hatched by ILs and DH's siblings, and then we've felt cornered into doing it. First time I thought, "sure, it's a one time deal" second time was completely last minute, and I really got caught off guard. I told DH (and he agreed) that we had to be very firm and clear that we could not budget for that kind of trip every Xmas. (But we would be happy to have people come to us for Xmas this year if they want.)

Now I'm dealing with summer. Last three years, the ILs paid for my kids to fly out to them for 2 weeks over the summer. Last year, DH and I also paid for our own tickets to also fly out for the last week of that period for a visit. Explained to ILs back in January that DH and I couldn't afford to fly out this year during the summer. ILs say, "no problem--it can just be the kids this year." Fine. Now we get a call. Time to arrange the flights for the kids, and we need to get this arranged so you can pay for your half. Huh? We've never paid for the kids' tickets for these summer trips.

I just feel like all my attempts to establish clear expectations keep getting thwarted. I also resent feeling like the bad guy. I'd like to see them more, but it really is expensive to fly and the only way we can pay for these tickets is to put them on a credit card, which is precisely what I'm trying not to do. They have not visited our home in years. Years. It's not that they don't like to travel--they just took a big trip earlier this year and have done many other trips. It's not that they don't have time--they are both retired. It's not that there is something wrong with my house. I'm not perfect, but I make sure I have a clean, comfortable house for my guests. Why can't they fly to us? Why can't they drive to us if they want to save on plane tickets?

So, time for DCUM to weigh in. Am I being unreasonable? How should I proceed?

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