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[quote=Anonymous]Why?  And how to you manage in terms of support with your kids?  We have two kids and are trying for a third.  We don't live near family but we've always wanted them to be a part of our lives.  I've had a stormy relationship with my parents throughout my life because of my mom's undiagnosed narcissistic personality disorder.  It's been an issue for years but I've mostly just worked around it and tried to keep things as pleasant as possible by being the "good kid."  I'm almost 40 and in the last couple of years she seems to be getting worse.  Each time she's visited she's said really nasty, horrible things to me - insulting me, calling me names, and telling me she wishes bad things for me.  I've never said anything like that to her and I can't imagine telling my children those things.  My dad sees it I think but he always tries to get me to be sympathetic to her and he'll never contradict her directly because he is afraid of her.  I don't have any other relationships like that in my life and it's very painful to me.  I want myself and my kids to be connected with them because I value family, but I don't know how much more I can or should take? She blames us for any issues, exaggerates a lot and refuses to take any responsibility in terms of mending things. She blames my DH all the time when he's not around and I've asked her repeatedly to please stop.  He's a wonderful person and a great dad and doesn't deserve that.  Yesterday she started going on about how bad our nanny was after meeting her for a short time.  I've tried to talk calmly with her about what goes on between us, but she goes into rages and blames everything on me.  Afterwards she acts like everything is fine but I feel traumatized.   I'm so conflicted about not having a relationship with them because I guess I'm still holding out hope for some resolution, even though after 40 years I should probably know better.  I'm also afraid of what it would mean to lose that aspect of our support system.  Not that there supportive per se, but in an emergency we could call them.  For people who have gone down this route, tell me about the process and what it was like for you?  I'm scared but also exhausted.[/quote]

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