Reply to Why do I keep fighting with my husband about the same stuff?

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[quote=Anonymous]On my wedding day, my father (who has been married to my mother for 33 years) imparted some advice to me: marriage is a road that is always under construction.

So true.

I found myself falling into the same cycle with my wife (I'm also a woman, so throw any traditional gender roles out the window). I also spent a little time in therapy trying to figure out which issues were mine. I have a tendency to have high anxiety and stress/worry over things that really aren't so important. I remember telling my therapist that it would really bother me when mail piled up on our kitchen counter. She said if it's not a fire hazard, it might be a good idea to focus on other things.

I tried to change my way of thinking about the stuff that my wife "wasn't doing" to focus instead of what she was doing. We both work full time, so it's important to acknowledge that we're both very busy, we're tired at the end of the day, yet we still want to be good partners to each other and good parents to our son, who is almost 2.  So instead of getting pissed that she left her dress shoes in the bathroom instead of putting them on the shoe rack, I shifted my focus to "Wow, she managed to do an entire sink of dishes before she even went to work." So trying to acknowledge things that DID get done made a huge different in my outlook on our marriage and thus my mood. And me being happier consequently makes HER happier.[/quote]

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