Reply to Is giving up making your own money a bad idea for ANY woman? (philosophical ponderings)

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[quote=Anonymous]As I deal with the ramifications of leaving my spouse who became abusive and drug addicted (wasnt that way at the outset, but that really doesnt matter now) I have to wonder whether it is EVER anything but risky to go into business with your spouse or to give up making your own independent income for ANY reason.

Granted, there are marriages that work out. Granted, there are spouses who work together and it works out too. And granted there are SAHM's who end up in happy marriages with mentally healthy men and all of that. I get that. But I have to wonder, just from a sheer numbers perspective, if being a sole income family is a good thing. Should a woman EVER let herself become financially dependent on a man?

I did not know how to have a "Plan B". There is a lot of stuff about money I didn't know about because my family never had any. I received merit based scholarships for college, and I worked hard these 20 years with my husband supporting his business, and while eventually became part of the pathology of that relationship, it sure didnt seem to be that at the beginning. By all measures it was a partnership of sorts.

So now that I am 46 and not 25 (the age I married) and seeing what can happen, how one can find oneself at middle age with a school age child and no real job prospects, how many mental and spiritual resources I have put into ensuring the safety and well being of my child, to my husbands zero efforts so far, I ask myself: are women equal enough to men in practical terms that they can ever afford not to worry about the "what if"?

My answer would be hell no. I would advise ANY woman to never give up, for any significant amount of time, the things that are only made possible with having her own source of income. Yet I believe so much in the wonderful gift that is the chance to raise your own kid. And I suppose if one married someone very wealthy, and was savvy in ensuring that monies were allocated in a fair way while still married, that some protection could be afforded during divorce. But divorce for most real people seems to largely involve walking away with any protection.

I completely understand that we all don't have the same options. Many women will never even know what its like to not have to work a full-time job, yet is their situation really any more stable if it comes to divorce?

What do you moms tell your daughters about this? I will advise my daughter in very detailed ways about money, so she can at least know the things I was never taught but learned the hard way.[/quote]

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