Reply to Spouse can't do anything on his own

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[quote=Anonymous]OP heed my advice or resign yourself to misery!

So my parents have been together since 1966...they married in 1968 at age 19 and 20, had my brothers in 1969 and 1971 and then me in 1976.  Oh.my.god. how my mother wishes she could go back to the first year of their marriage and change their dynamic into a partnership. My mother took on 100% of responsibilities outside of work. She stayed home while my father worked and handled everyones "business" for them. My father is retired and she is still handling all of his business while he engages in his hobbies. He is morbidly obese, depressed, diabetic and he has COPD. On their wedding day, he was fit and straight out of basic training in the military.

If she dies before him he will have to have someone taking are of him. Hes approaching 70 and hes never cooked, cleaned, repaired anything or done any yard work. Its a terribly dysfunctional pattern that was laid down decades ago and did not change because well...hes a bit entitled and dependent with a nasty temper.

My point is that its not good for spouses to handle each others business...people need to learn how to function independently...its terrible for self esteem to have everything done for you.

I feel for you. Set limits now. Even if addiction is no where in your family histories, read up on codependency for tools for not enabling bad behavior.

I am convinced that my father wouldn't have the health issues he does had my mother expected him to handle his shit and cooperate in the running of the household and with parenting. And before dcumers bite back...he might not have had the health problems he does if she had shared in the responsibility of earning income.  It was bad for both of them.[/quote]

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