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[quote=Anonymous]Writing this here because I don't want to burden DH further when he's already so stressed & worried.

His sister (mid 30s) had a medical situation this week that resulted in emergency surgery and now she's been sedated and on a ventilator in ICU for 5 days. We live a plane ride away and there's not much we could do even if we were there, but it's a sad and helpless feeling and everyone's anxiety is running high. Drs are more optimistic than not that she will recover, but it's slow progress within a family that doesn't typically cope well with stress (drinking, narcissistic reframing of situations). We've sent care packages of treats, offered to go there for a few days to cook for & chauffer young niece, etc. but also have had to hang back and not make ourselves one more thing to deal with. DH would prefer to wait to visit until his sister is awake and aware of his being there.

It's all on top of a few years of serious medical stress of one kind or another within their immediate family in the last couple of years, including the SIDS death of currently ill SIL's & BIL's infant daughter. Some disfunction and big/controlling personalities make it harder to know the helpful thing to do sometimes. My MIL and SIL basically have their own orbit together and are typically in regular contact throughout the day via texts, talking, and in person visits, so MIL is really feeling that vacuum.

If any of you have good advice about being long distance and finding a good balance between staying out of the way and being supportive and helpful, it would truly be appreciated. They aren't big quiet time people, don't enjoy reading, and are still in shock at seeing SIL in this condition, so the understandably difficult hours in the hospital have been rough for them to manage.[/quote]

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