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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She may be feeling panicked and out of control because of your cancer diagnosis. She's worried. When people are feeling out of control, they try to grab onto things they think they can control. Your spending may be one of them.

You might want to sit down with an objective third party. In this case a financial planner could be that objective voice. Or you could go talk with a marriage counselor for a few sessions to get at the root of this and work out a plan where you get to have your "toys" and she feels in control.[/quote]

I have suggested marriage counseling, but she rejects it.  I refuse to go to a financial planner, because we are fine.  The planner will not tell me anything I don't know.  Fine as in:  we bought our house in 1999, before the runup, and while my salary has gone up 2.5x, the mortgage is about the same (2K per month on 160K/year income).  The real issue on the finances is she never looks at the big picture;  she sees sometimes we have very little in the checking account....but sometimes we have a lot.[/quote]

The suggestion of going to the financial planner was more for your wife so she could see the big picture. It's not about you getting advice. It's about an objective third party looking at everything and then helping your wife see the big picture and how cash flow works. Sometimes we can't hear this information from our spouse. We're too close emotionally. Perhaps there is a counselor who deals specifically with financial issues with couples.

As for your wife refusing to go to marriage counseling, my response would be, "If you choose not to go to counseling with me, then the complaining about my spending stops. You don't get to complain AND refuse counseling. I'm happy to sit down with a professional and work this out so that we're both happy. But I will not continue with the comments and the complaints if you refuse counseling. It's not healthy for us and for our marriage and for our child." [/quote]

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